Our kids

When my daughter asked me to tell her what this book was about she commented - why do you always read such depressing books? Indeed.

Public policy professor, Robert Putnam, describes the disturbing trends in outcomes for children over the past 50 years. My husband was born in the '70s to a high school educated couple. He was raised by two parents in a small town. Each parent held a blue color job with both struggling occasionally with unemployment. Ryan went on to college (which he paid for ) and now has a good job which supports a family.

After reading this book, I realized Ryan was among the last generation of kids born to high school educated parents who had a statistically good chance to graduate from college and find well-paying work. Those times are now over. Children born in that cohort are far more likely to experience all the consequences of poverty: chaos at home, unstable living situation, poor schools.  While kids in this cohort are not more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, they are far more likely to endure the consequences of their decisions. Parents (like my parents, like me -- college educated, gainfully employed) offer a safety net that allows their kids to survive bad decisions.

I am currently reading Michelle Obama's book Becoming. Her parents fit the same profile as Ryan's except her mother did not work until she was 14. Michelle and her brother went to good schools and lived in a safe neighborhood in the South side of Chicago. They became adults just as their schools and neighborhoods declined in the way Putnam describes. It is remarkable to think that if Michelle Obama had been born 20 years later, we might not know who she is.

Very sad to think about all the innate potential that kids in this situation are born with which will never be realized due to poor policy decisions. Most importantly, wages have not increased over the past 30 years. College costs have risen faster than health care costs as people who can pay any price for the needed degree, and everyone else is left out.

Most remarkable to me are the trends I recognize among my peers, namely that raising children is now a zero sum game. Their children must get ahead at any cost but what happens to other children is not their concern.  Our elementary school raises hundreds of thousands of dollars per year to benefit already wealthy children who have every advantage. Meanwhile, 1 mile away is a school with homeless children and few resources. We ignore those kids at our peril.

After living in Honduras, I have been witness to how terrible it is living in two-tiered society. Besides the misery of the homeless and drug addicted in the streets, our public places essentially won't exist without a militarized police force and/or private security. An uneducated public is apathetic about democracy and authoritarians are chosen to oppress the outsiders.

What is the answer? That we start to give a shit about all children and invest at least a little time in one's community. Beyond that, taxing the rich, reducing income inequality and demanding a living wage as a minimum wage would be a good start. The status quo is not working.

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Wonderstruck

Brian Selznick is such a talented artist that he recently illustrated the covers of the 20th anniversary editions of Harry Potter. This story is brilliant in that it is two stories in one: one story told through illustrations and the other through words. The stories meet by the end of the book. Like Harry Potter this is a book that kids and adults enjoy.

The other great thing about this book is that one of Selznick's inspirations for the story was The Mixed Up Files of Mrs Basil E Frankweiler.  Some of the story takes place in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and there are few Frankweiler references for fans of that book (like us).

Wonder

Wonder is a book about a ten year old boy born with several genetic mutations that left him with a deformed face. People react to him with horror whenever he is out in public. Until 5th grade he is somewhat protected by his parents who homeschool him. They live in NYC and the parents decide he should go to school so they enroll him in a fancy private school (he is very smart and has no special needs).

Then he has to deal with people who are not kind.

The story is told from many points of view but I can only relate to the mother (who is never a narrator). She watches people treat her son poorly and does her best to protect him but since that is impossible, she fails. He endures isolation and ridicule, and all she can do is hug him and cry.

There is a happy ending and a good moral lesson but I didn't really care about all that because it is really hard to have a child who is different in an unkind world.

Phoenix and Tucson for Christmas

It's nice to be from Arizona when it's December.

We spent 3 days at the resort near my mom's home and celebrated Christmas. Beautiful weather! Palm trees! swimming pools! Good food and fun! The weird thing about the town I lived from the ages of 10-18 is that no matter the weather or circumstance, I always feel like I am wearing an invisible suit made of itchy wool. I am never comfortable. I try. But I do not like it there. I don't have any rational reason. I just know I am always uncomfortable so it doesn't feel like a vacation.

I am always grateful that I have extended family with whom we can spend the holidays. At least they are not in Michigan.

bocce ball!

one of the pools at the resort

I took zero pictures of my family celebrating Christmas. Otherwise, I'd post them here.

We then visited Tucson. My mom came and she always adds to the fun. We visited the Pima Air Museum where an homage to the Vietnam War prompted me to explain to my kids that the US lost the Vietnam War.  At 22, I told someone I wanted to visit South Vietnam, and they had to explain to me that the war was not a tie. That was embarrassing.

We also visited the amazing Arizona Sonora Desert Museum.. very worth the visit. We ate at El Charro, the oldest Mexican restaurant in the country (100 years). Excellent food! I was very impressed. The highlight of the trip for me was a hike through Sabino Canyon with the kids.  Sadly, the federal government is closed as it's run by an imbecile but volunteers staffed the visitor center and everyone thanked them.

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

This book was written by a doctor in Canada who cares for addicted, homeless people in Vancouver. He explains addiction as he understands it (it's causes and the ways it changes the brain), he explains why the war on drugs has been a complete failure, and believes we treat addicted people horribly.. less than human. He suggests kinder, more humane approaches to the addicted as they affect all of us.

He also makes a broader point about our society (western Europe, Canada & the US): we have sky-rocketing rates of all manner of addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, spending, work), depression and anxiety so perhaps we should look a little more closely at our values. The way we treat the most vulnerable is founded in the (at this point, very bad) idea that each person is responsible only for himself. If you make mistakes, they are your own and you should pay for them. If you cannot survive within the capitalist structure that values people only for what they can produce, then you have no value. And then worse, you deserve what you get.

I don't think most of the liberal people I know think this consciously. However, the way people raise their children now exposes the rot described above.  Hyper-competitive parents cultivate their products ( I mean kids ) into production machines. They do not care about other people's children.  We are lost.

A Year in Provence

This book was written in 1989. It's is a very popular, bestselling memoir that details a couple whose problems you wish you had. They buy a home in Provence. It's hard to get contractors to come to your home to finish the remodel. The concrete table may not be in place by the summer. Tourists swarm in the summer ( I am sure they are there year round now). The neighbor is cranky but lovable.

 In 1989, we had not begun to feel the effects of globalization.. or we didn't understand that globalization was the force causing the problems. We didn't know the earth was cooking. There was no internet or smart phones or 9-11 or the myriad of other things that have changed. The world seemed simpler. I am not sure it was though.

The book is fun and fluffy. A good escape from the modern world.

The Long Hitch Home

This book arrived on my door step and I had no idea who had sent it. It took 2 guesses. It was from my friend Kate in Australia. She loves travel. Friends of hers gave her the book when they met the author selling his book on Portabello Rd.

This is a memoir written by a British man in his early 30's.  He details his ~4 month trip hitchhiking from Tasmania back to Britain. This dude is very adventurous. He told great stories and I admire his resourcefulness and commitment to travel. He met lots of local people and understands a great deal about the politics of places I had never heard of and rarely think about. Fascinating how the US is truly everywhere .. especially when there are natural resources to be had.

I appreciated his political view point. I was surprised when he referred to Tony Blair as a war criminal but he's spent lots of time in places where imperialist American and British interests have wrecked people's lives.

One thing that gave me pause is that I will never be able to do what he did. It is not possible for a woman to hitch hike alone throughout the world and not be harmed. Just not possible. There are many things I choose not to do (ie climb Mt Everest) but I don't think a lot about things I am excluded from doing. Most people in the world do not have the luxury to travel like this author even if they are male.. they are limited in other ways.

In any case, I enjoyed this book and passed it on the a very adventurous neighbor.