Educated

My aunt recommended this book when I told her I was searching for books by people who have overcome great difficulty. While that is an accurate description of Educated, it doesn't capture even 10% of themes of this book. This is a phenomenal memoir. I do not know how it became a bestseller by its publishing date but I certainly understand it.

Tara Westover lived an unusual life. She was raised in rural Idaho by people who could be described as the Taliban wing of the Mormon church. I thought all practicing Mormons were devout but the contrast between the Westover family and the Mormons of my childhood is vast. Her parents were survivalists. They didn't believe in school or medicine so the children received no education and no medical treatment in spite of many life threatening injuries. The kids worked with their dad in a scrap yard. I could go on but the summary is lots of terrible stuff happens.

The fascinating part of the story is the way Westover chronicles how she transforms from an abused and thoroughly brainwashed person into a woman who wins the fellowship to Cambridge to pursue a master's degree then PhD. 

Depending on your own childhood, you might experience this book differently from me. I had loving parents who defined loving their child as allowing the child to grow into whoever she wanted to be. Westover also had loving parents but in their family love was defined by obedience and loyalty and the extent to which each child would kneel to the will of their father and his vision of their family and the world.

If your parents were not so accepting, if you've had to live your adult life trying to heal from your own childhood, this book might be more painful than fascinating.

When I want to condemn Westover's parents for what they did to her, I am reminded of the book The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  Similar to the Westover parents, Amy Chua loves her children and felt that she knew what was best for them. She withheld her love from her children so they would be academic superstars and accomplished musicians-- identities she chose for them.  Their adherence to her will was the most important component to receiving her love.  That's a fairly accepted way of parenting among my peers. They want their children to succeed out of love for them (and if they're being honest, their own fear for them) so they force them to perform in school or sports or fulfill whatever identity the parents have selected. The children do not have a choice (or a very limited choice) in who they become.  It seems less violent but I am not sure by how much.